


when we're both gay

by tsuluio



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, Fluff, Friends w benefits, M/M, MLM WLW solidarity, No Plot, Rated T for swearing, this isnt a ship fic btw, weird things happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsuluio/pseuds/tsuluio
Summary: Aviator and Paisley aren't dating, but sometimes acting like they do has its advantages.





	when we're both gay

**Author's Note:**

> this is me when im calm ok. this is crack and not a ship so :) idk what happened. its so random.

“What about her?” 

“Nah.” 

Aviator huffs in annoyance, leaning back in his seat. He absentmindedly sips at his drink as he gazes across the Square. “You’re being picky today.”

Paisley meets his expression with the same amount of exasperation. “Excuse me for having higher standards than you.”

“Your standards are so high that no one in Inkopolis would meet your needs except Stitch,” Aviator snorts and Paisley slaps his arm. He feigns silently screaming in pain and she rolls her eyes. 

“Shut up. Unless you’d rather I go through the lengthy list of people you’ve crushed on so far.”

“That’s not really necessary—“

Paisley just smirks, raising her right hand and curling it into a fist. With each crush she counts out, she lifts a finger. “There was that guy on the subway the other day. _Two_ , actually. The one you sat next to _and_ the one who bumped into you when we were leaving.”

“Paisley—“

“The one you forced me to kiss in front of to avoid him, the one I asked in Headspace if he was a top or bottom, oh, and let’s not forget Sk—“

“Paise I swear to cod.” Aviator’s pouting now and Paisley would think it has a decent cuteness to it if he didn’t have a small piece of shwaffle sticking to his face. 

She hands him a napkin. “You’d get all the guys like that. Just pout at them and bam, you’re not single anymore.”

He takes the napkin and swipes at his face without actually processing it, missing the spot completely. “That’s Aloha’s tactic.”

“Well I can’t argue with you there — to your left a little — because he’s just got the puppy dog eye look down — there, you got it.”

Aviator crumples the napkin, face now clean, and tosses into the middle of the table with the remains of their lunch wrappers. “Okay but you still haven’t chosen anyone for the day.”

“You haven’t either,” Paisley points out, and looks across the Square for someone with looks at least subpar to Aviator’s own. “What about him?”

Aviator barely looks up. “Not my type.”

“C’mon, you didn’t even look.”

“I don’t need to. His shirt doesn’t match his shoes.”

“You can’t just base it on fashion, Avi, he’s at least a 6/10 on looks.”

“The last four points come from his poor clothing choices.”

Paisley gives him that look and he relents. “Okay, chill, alright?” 

He looks up to see the guy literally right at their table, watching them. “Holy—“

“You staring at me?” The guy asks Paisley, and up close, Aviator can see why he’s a 6/10. 

He doesn't need to elaborate.

Paisley suddenly looks rather uncomfortable, though she manages to save face by straightening a little. "No. Am I not allowed to look at the people in the Square?"

"You were staring at me," the guy insists, and Paisley gives Aviator a look that he understands immediately.

"She wasn't staring at you," Aviator says, purposefully moving closer to Paisley. It's not really a defensive move but the guy seems to take offense at it, though he does give Aviator a wary look as the purple Inkling gets closer.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

The guy just stands there, staring at him, and Paisley makes the move first by practically throwing herself into Aviator's arms and kissing him passionately on the lips. He kisses her back, eyes closed, but he can hear the guy walking away so as soon as he's sure they're gone, he pulls away from her. "He's gone."

"Thank cod," she breathes in response, sinking back into her seat. There's no thanks needed between the two of them; it's instinct by now, something both of them accepted.

Kissing each other is something others would assume is an act of romance, but the two purple Inklings managed to use it as an advantage. Neither of them were romantically interested in each other yet they hung out so much that people automatically assumed they were dating. After a bad run-in one night, the two of them decided that pretending to be together -- while they were both, in fact, single -- had its benefits.

Ignoring everything that just happened, Aviator glances towards the lobby and sees a particularly cute girl walking out from the doors. "Hey, Paise, she your type?"

Paisley turns to look and he can tell by the blush that creeps through her ears that she definitely is falling for the other. 

"Call her over."

Paisley turns to him with a panicked look on her face. "No, don't!"

"Why not?" He can't suppress the smirk, and she seems to get even more flustered with every passing second.

"Because! I don't want her to come here!"

"You don't even know her, Paise."  
"That's what makes it worse!" She hides her face in her hands, and Aviator glances back towards the other girl. She's closer to their table now, and he lifts a hand, making eye contact with her.

"Hey, over here!"

The girl looks confused but walks over to them, Paisley's mumbled, "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," silencing as the girl walks right up to her.

"You.. need something?"

"Yeah." Aviator fumbles in a pocket for a pen and hands it to her, along with a napkin. "Can I get your number? It's for a friend."  
"Okay...?" The girl scribbles her number down and after a concerned glance at Paisley face down at the table, speed-walks away.

Paisley stays in the same position for a while before Aviator stage whispers, "Hey, it's okay to look up now."

She glares at him as soon as she raises her head and he lifts a hand placatingly before sliding the napkin over to her. "You better call her tonight."  
She stares at it before she says grudgingly, "Thanks, but I'm getting you back."

"I helped you get a girl's number and this is how you want to repay me?" he jokes and she makes a face.

"It's also for that time when you forcefully introduced me to that other hot chick at Ammo Knights."

"That was so long ago--"

"Quiet." She crosses her arms and Aviator just flashes her that well-worn smirk. She'll wipe that off his face soon enough, she promises herself. "Haven't you talked to Skull yet?"

The smirk fades slightly.

"No."

"When are you going to tell him?" Paisley asks, and it's partially -- mostly -- a genuine question, to be honest. "Besides, I never heard what you really see in him anyway."

She knows why Aviator likes Skull. Practically everyone knows except Skull himself which is either the saddest or luckiest thing Paisley has ever known. But Aviator had only told one person, and it spiraled out from there unbeknownst to him. Paisley just needs the verbal confirmation.

Aviator narrows his eyes slightly behind his sunglasses but relents only because of his overwhelming gayness. While he's rambling on literally every single little thing Skull does that's cute or attractive, Paisley forces herself not to laugh and instead stares behind Aviator at nothing in particular.

"Oh, hi Skull," she says as nonchalantly as she can, as if the Purple Team leader is hovering right behind Aviator's seat.

Paisley watches in satisfaction as Aviator chokes on his drink, spitting it across the table. It splatters her in the process and she takes a napkin off the table and wipes her arm with it as he sputters.

When he's finished hacking his lungs out, he manages to shoot her a glare while wiping his mouth with his sleeve, fully aware by the smirk on her face destroying any possibility of Skull actually being there. 

"Fuck, you're evil," he coughs when he can finally talk again, and she just raises an eyebrow at him, pulling her bandanna down so she can grin at him.

"You deserved that."

"No I didn't." Aviator has water running down his face, his jacket stained, the table covered in liquid, Paisley's arms and lap drenched. Both of them just sit there as the soft _plink plink plink_ drips from the table onto the ground before bursting out in laughter.

"Cod, you're disgusting," Paisley giggles, wringing out the hem of her shirt so water runs down her legs and pools in her shoes. "Now I have gay germs all over me."

Aviator just snickers. "Maybe if you didn't give me a frickin' heart attack, I wouldn't have sprayed you with water."

"Squids are supposed to spray people with ink, not water, you doofus." Paisley stands, water dripping off of her. She awkwardly walks to the food truck and grabs a handful of napkins, fully aware of everyone's eyes on them. "You think we gotta act straight now?"

"Sure." Aviator takes three napkins and grabs the front of her shirt, shoving them and she twists away from him, laughing. 

"C'mere." 

"You aren't touching my jacket," he says automatically, but he moves towards her anyway and she unzips his jacket as dramatically as she can, shoving napkins down his own shirt. The people around them are staring now and wolf whistling, and Aviator smirks at her, eyes bright.

"You think that's enough?"

"You're a fucking tease, Avi."

"You're the one who had to unzip it like that."

She lightly punches him. "Shut up."

The napkins are itching through her skin and she casts a look at Aviator. "Okay, we actually gotta clean this up."

It only takes a few moments because all they need to do is sweep the water to the floor and throw away the remaining wrappers before they both fish the napkins from their shirts and toss them away, every eye boring into their backs as they walk away.

"You still have that girl's number?" Aviator asks when they're out of earshot.

"Mhm." Paisley pulls it out, blush crossing her face ever so slightly as she looks at it. 

"If you don't call her tonight, I'm going to track her down and make you talk in person."

"You jerk."

"She's a 9/10 so that's something," Aviator says.

Paisley stares at him, smile curling her lips. "Clothes and all?"

"Clothes and all."

**Author's Note:**

> this is what happens when i dont finish my wips


End file.
